Now that my 2nd year of college is over, does that make me a Junior? Or does that occur at the start of my 3rd year? Or does it not even matter cause I have over the designated amount of units? Whichever the case, the year has been an interesting one to say the least.
Various events, actions, and activities throughout the year has allowed me to further understand my progress academically, mentally, physically, and socially. What stemmed from a pretty devastating and depressing summer 2009, came a very strange introduction to the year, as I went to a very dark place emotionally. Whichever the case, I kept striving and making goals for myself from the beginning of the year to the end. The attempt to reach self-actualization was a feeble one – to be fair, I highly doubt anyone achieves that end result unless they are perfect. It’s surprising to think that I spent the second week of Winter Quarter rushing a fraternity I now have no desire to be a part of. (And I’m not just saying that cause they rejected me), I’m saying that because I know that I’m not “Frat” material and I personally don’t belong in one. So I kept thinking, and thinking of ways to get over myself, and just be happy for a change. I joined a few clubs in the process – PAW, ICRA, NRHH, ASK… none of them individually did much for me personally, but each one of them had its moments. I met an amazing group of people in PAW as well as ICRA (I’m even on their exec board for next year!).
Regardless of what I attempted to do to change myself, my attitude on life needed to change quickly. After all, with depressing blog posts such as this one, I’m not exactly seeing the world in a very positive light. I would say it was half my fault, and half the fact that the world wasn’t helping with its constant rays of rejections flying at me [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]. Still, I should have focused more on the positive, rather than the negative aspects of life – which in the end ultimately drag me back to the present. It also didn’t help that I came to the realization that the floor family that I spent my entire freshman year fell apart. Though I’m still about 4 years away from actually writing a “Flashback” on the origins and death of the Stewart floor family, I have a working theory presently that the bond we have wasn’t based on anything… and if it was, the only two things that brought us together in the long run would be 1) distance (living close to one another) and 2) Austin West. In other words, I might have been overestimating the strength of our bonds as well as fabricating what we had. Regardless, I still cherish the Freshman memories I have, because it helped me get to where I am presently.
One last thing that almost destroyed me this year: Girls! I was depressed over someone in the summer, and it transferred over to the fall. I got rejected by someone else in the fall, and it transferred over to the winter. I STOPPED chasing girls in the winter as part of Resolution#17, but that didn’t seem to work either. In the end, and in the spring I just continued my policy of simply letting things happen naturally – which means 1) Don’t hope for anything to happen, but 2) Don’t actively engage in behavior that would result in a repeat of Fall’s rejection or Summer’s depression, which I will continue to work on this present summer.
So if I was going to assign myself on personal growth, I would give myself a “C” my freshman year, and give myself a “B” my sophomore year. Which means, logistically I have to get an A next year in order to improve myself. What I learned this year most importantly, was to take chances. Though most of the “risks” I have taken have resulted in failure, I can safety say that in taking them, I have personally grown as an individual, and know what I have to work on in improve myself for next year. Next year I count on taking more risks which will result in less failures. No matter how devastating it could potentially turn out, I have to be willing to face potential failures if I want an ultimate success.